Today Jokes : Horney Husband

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:
I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Jokes of The Days : Airlines

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
-Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ".

British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

Delta Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

JOKE: How much would it cost to (telephone) call Malaysia from Hell?

How much would it cost to (telephone) call Malaysia from Hell?

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Ahmad Badawi die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there. Queen says, I miss my England , can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.

She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks: Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call? The devil says: Five million pounds. She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair .

Clinton wants to make a call too. He says I wanna call the US . He talks about ten minutes, then asks how much do I owe you devil? The devil says Ten million dollars He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat

Badawi is jealous. He says I want to call Malaysia . He calls and talks for about an hour to his son-in-law who is busy trying to find Mr.Petronas. Then he asks the devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replies: only one dollar. Badawi is shocked and asks
'why so little?'.

The devils says: if you make a call from one hell to another, IT'S LOCAL CALL.